Because I'm easy - easy like Sunday morning.

So after my epic adventure with the palmetto bug (see earlier post), I started telling everyone the story. I happen to think it's hilarious, plus I think I tell it pretty well, if I do say so myself! I was sharing the story one Sunday with a friend of mine who has lived on the island for a few years. After she unfolded herself from the position where she had bent double laughing, she fixed her stern gaze up at me (she's about 5 feet tall) and said "But Gillian, don't you have any TAT?"

TAT? What the hell is TAT?

Evidently, it is a super-strong, super-hazardous, super-AMAZING bug spray that will lay waste to any roaches or ants in its path.

I stopped on my way home and got some.

Last night, I saw ANOTHER palmetto bug in my trailer, in roughly the same location as the one that got away a few weeks ago. I happened to be wearing clothes at the time (bonus!) so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the TAT, and took aim. I sprayed this thing for probably thirty seconds, following it across the wall, into the window sill, in the corner of my bedroom and... it died. It fell on the floor. Completely dead. Thirty seconds.

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VICTORY IS MINE!

Of course, it died on the floor behind my dresser, where I can't reach it. But I keep hoping some overzealous gecko will take care of it for me.

I have to say though, I'm a little dubious about the health effects of this miracle TAT. Info on the Web is as follows:

"Inhalation: The systemic toxicity of this product has not been determined. However, it should be practically non-toxic to internal organs if inhaled."

Practically non-toxic. Oh, good. That makes me feel better. But you know what? I think a "twilight of life" free of palmetto bug nightmares is worth giving up a few years on the tail end. I'm OK with that.

Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

So, about two months ago, I got a UTI. Not really that unexpected, what with living in the tropics and all. Ladies, say it with me - UTI's are THE WORST. Ugh. Especially in this heat and humidity, with no A/C in my house, I was absolutely miserable. I tried to treat it naturally, which has worked before, but cranberry pills are difficult to come by on the island, and the only cranberry juice has tons of sugar. After 3 weeks of the stupid UTI coming and going, I gave up. One of the women I work with is the daughter of a doctor at our "hospital" here on the island, so I got his cell phone number and gave him a call. Yes. Those "quotes" are intentional.

I showed up at the "hospital" at 9am. After half an hour of walking around and trying to communicate with the receptionist in the emergency room, who only speaks Spanish, I tracked down the doctor and got seen. After explaining to him why I "thought I had" a UTI (Ladies, again - there's no thinking, right? It's unmistakable), he informed me he was going to run some tests, then put me on the fast track to feeling better. And that I should expect to be there for a few hours. Uh. Ok.

So first, I had to pee in a cup. But not any cup. A paper cone. You know the kind you pull out of the dispensers for the water cooler at work? That kind. Then I had to pour it into a little test tube. Kind of difficult to manage while wearing a dress and holding a purse in a bathroom with a quarter inch of water on the floor, but I did. I tracked down the nurse, handed it over, and she showed me to a bed in the emergency room.

Now, this bed has no sheets. No pillows. They did provide me with a paper blanket to cover my legs, since I was wearing a dress and the A/C was blasting. Awesome! I got myself settled, presented my arm for the nurse to take blood, and then was promptly hooked up to an IV. This was my first IV experience, and I have to say I was a little nervous. I have itty bitty veins that roll, and have had to suffer through multiple needle stabs for every single attempt to access my blood. But this nurse was great, and I settled down into my pillow-less, sheet-less bed, to watch a bag of antibiotics drip into my hand.

After the bag finished its drip, they hooked me up to a bag of fluids, basically to keep the IV in while I wait for the results of my tests. About half way through this bag, I realize I have to pee. Like, now. RIGHT. NOW. Unfortunately, the fluids are hooked on a rack hanging over my bed, so I am trapped. I look around frantically for a nurse or a doctor - nobody. I push the call button on the bed and... nothing. It would appear the call button is just for show. A decorative red square. Lovely. After several minutes of feeling that my bladder is literally going to explode, I managed to flag down my nurse and communicate the situation. She gave me a knowing smile, and carried over an IV stand. Yes. Carried. Although it has wheels, they also are just for show. Sigh. She transfers my bag over, and I carry my IV stand over to the bathroom.

I won't even comment on the state of the bathroom. But when you gotta go, you gotta go - so I did. After I got re-settled in my pillow-less, sheet-less bed, the nurse came to check on me. "You make pee-pee OK? No hurt?" Uh, thank you for asking. Yes, yes I did. It seems the IV is doing it's job.

Flash forward to two hours and four trips to the bathroom later. I am still hooked up to an IV of fluids, and the doctor finally comes to me and says that he won't make me wait any longer, that he can call me on my cell phone with the results of my tests. He writes me a prescription, and promises to tell me when he calls if I need to fill it. The nurse removes the IV, offers me a wheelchair (which I decline), and I walk out to my car. It's 1:30pm.

The doctor calls an hour later. Sure enough - it's a UTI. Surprise, surprise. I head to the only pharmacy on the island to fill my prescription. Although I have health insurance, I had been warned that if you try to use it at the pharmacy, it will take twice as long. So I instead offered to pay cash, and after a short wait (45 minutes, which is short for here), I had my prescription. Two pills a day for ten days. Total - $11. I probably would've paid more with my co-pay for my health insurance. At this point, it's 3pm. A very interesting way to spend a day, I must say.